JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging
permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess
excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work
various
hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour
shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites
on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.
Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: This is for the rest of your life. Must be willing to be
hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical
stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds
flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just
crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as
small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must
screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social
gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to
be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle
assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys
and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume
final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work
throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is
to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly
retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can
ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training
offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that
college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you
give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary
scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job
supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free, hugs for life
if you play your cards right.